


Squeremy/Jedward

by leems



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: no squip au, spongebob is also here, squidward au, they are. meant to be for each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 05:45:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12205074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leems/pseuds/leems
Summary: Jeremy's been in love with Christine since she first transferred to his school in 7th grade. But after Christine gently rejects him, Jeremy realizes he's been longing for someone with more to hold with his arms.. Someone to love him unconditionally....





	Squeremy/Jedward

"I'm sorry, but I ... uhh, can we be just friends?" Christine said, quite anxiously and very awkwardly. Jeremy wasn't surprised... it always ended up that way. The awkward boy tried to confess to the girl and the girl would just reject him. That's how life worked. That's how it was for awkward sweaty gross boys who were too tall, had a stammer, didn't know how to whistle and couldn't drink more than one tablespoon of milk a day because of explosive diarrhea.

"I'm j-just going to go now! Hehe, see you later Jeremy!" There Christine went, running fast (of course she would try to distance herself from Jeremy for the rest of forever) while he just stood by. He felt like one of those bad female anatomy sculptures in museums, but instead of being worth like, 5 million, he was probably worth 10 cents or perhaps less.

He didn't know what to do. He'd just confessed to the girl of his dreams and he got dumped... but it was okay? He didn't deserve a girl like Christine. Did he deserve anything? Probably not. He was an anxious loser with one friend who smoked all the time while he tried to smoke like 4 times and then would cough all the smoke up because he had no idea how to be as chill as his friend who was better than him. Too good for him.  
  
Jeremy sighed... and started sobbing.  
  
Sobbing into whimpering.  
  
Whimpering into.. giggling.  
  
Giggling into laughing.

Laughing hard. Hysterically laughing in the middle of the cafeteria after school with like 30 students scattered around. He wasn't worried about how he looked like to everyone else because he was just a nobody anyway, he could probably go to school nude and nobody cared. He wasn't worried about Christine anymore! She... just rejected him! He wouldn't have to be nervous around her because he already knew once and for all that his love life was never going to happen! He'd already screwed himself over so much in the middle of high school, he would be surprised if he made it to 25.   
  
\------  
  
"She rejected me!" Jeremy screamed at Michael.   
  
"I... wow, I'm so sorry about that.." Michael replied, quite awkwardly. Wow, Jeremy was making everyone around him awkward today. Maybe to the best of his luck, Rich would start stuttering and lisping the next time he tried to give him a wedgie.  
  
There was a pregnant pause. Jeremy probably shouldn't have told Michael in the middle of them playing competitive solitaire. It probably wouldn't have mattered because actually competitive solitaire only had a 80% chance of being winnable.

Michael looked at his set of cards, and realized he was one of the 20%. He wasn't going to win, he'd messed up his spade-heart-spade-heart rhythm with a 7 of clubs, and just seemed to stare at his set of stacks for a while. Jeremy realized Michael wasn't doing anything but stare at his cards, so the former just decided to stare at the latter as well before Michael ended the silence.  
  
"Dude. I can't win!" Michael looked at him with a fake frown, then he started laughing. Jeremy still stared, but somehow, Michael laughing out of nowhere in the middle of his room made Jeremy... less sad. Michael's laughter grew in hysterics and then he quieted down.   
  
"Hey, Jere, do you want to talk more about what happened? Or is it just... she rejected you? Like nothing else happened?" Jeremy shook his head.

"Well... maybe... it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe Christine's just one of those unwinnable games of solitaire! And it sucks when you realize you could never win in the first place..." Michael then cleared his stack up and sorted the cards back again by shuffling them. "But when you can't win, you just have to sort another deck, and try again!" Michael stopped to smile at his best friend, and then started to rearrange his stacks so he could try again. 

"I'm really sorry about your rejection, bro... it just--" Jeremy suddenly stopped him and hugged him.  
  
"H-hey, dude, you know you're like, a saint! And like, the best guy ever...  I w-wouldn't know what I'd do without you." Jeremy wasn't  sad about Christine anymore. Maybe, heck, his four year crush was starting to vanish! And maybe his non-lovestruckness would make him cool and popular and not bullied anymore! And Michael would also be by association cool? 

Or maybe he'd just keep on being a loser forever. But he had his best friend! And with his best friend, he could survive the perils of the world! 

\----

Squidward stared at his co-worker. He didn't like Spongebob.... but damn if he wasn't jealous of his trickling optimism. Squidward was never appreciated anywhere, his multitude of talents ignored by his lesser peers. That meant being a cashier in the greasiest steamboat in Bikini Bottom.

The Krusty Krab wasn't very busy today, actually. Plankton wasn't up to anything, so it must have just been a slow day. There were several customers around the Krusty Krab; an anchovy family of four where the husband and wife were arguing in front of the children; a guy who was screaming about his broken leg because he stepped on one of the rusty floorboards and got a splinter; this one fish was giving another fish a blowjob; an old woman whose teeth kept falling out of her mouth; and Spongebob breathing in his face. Wait, Spongebob breathing in his face?!?

Squidward screamed. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU YELLOW BUFFOON? DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PERSONAL SPACE YOU IDIOT?"

Spongebob blankly stared at him with a smile. And then he opened his mouth. (You know you're in for a shitstorm whenever Spongebob opens his mouth.) "Oh Squidward! I was just thinking about how wonderful everything was today! Mermaidman and Barnacleboy were renewed for their 63rd season, Patrick's coming over for our weekly game of hide and go seek, and after that I'll be going to Sandy's to see her newest invention!"

Squidward blanky stared back. "Well, that's really nice to know, Spongebob... BUT I DONT CARE! I DONT CARE ABOUT HOW WONDERFUL YOUR DAY IS AND HOW HAPPY YOU ARE WITH EVERYTHING! I DONT FUCKING CARE!" He started screaming at the yellow square of despair and then as quickly as he started, he got out of his steamboat and ran away.

Squidward was quite honestly feeling even worse than he usually did. And usually he was feeling awful already, but something about today just made him wish he didn't exist. at all.

As he exited the outer walls of the Krusty Krab, he started sobbing. Mr. Krabs didn't care what his employees were doing because of what a cheapskate he was, he wouldn't be able to hire anyone else.

Mr. Krabs didn't care about him. Nobody cared about him. He was a disappointment to his grandmother, to his inspirations... to himself. His multitude of potential all going nowhere. And he had a daily yellow reminder of how darn unhappy he was and how much better off the people around him were.  
  
On the walk home, he just started sobbing... and sobbing turned into whimpering, which turned into... giggling, which turned into laughing. Squidward hysterically laughing on the walk home to Conch Street where he could just sob inside of his house. He laughed about how hopeless and pathetic he was. He grabbed his keys, opened the door, and closed the door and locked it behind him. He ran to the table and put his head down and he cried. This time, he truly cried.

Squidward truly was a mess. And he didn't have anyone to talk to.. anyone who knew how it felt to be truly alone like him. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is crack. It's 100% crack. I'm an awful writer as you can tell, and I'm incapable of producing relevant content.
> 
> But here, have Squidward/Jeremy instead. I hope you like it!
> 
> My tumblr is caiamus.tumblr.com and my twitter is @caiamus also!


End file.
